Timothée, Doechii, and More of the 33 Best Performances of 2025

Each December, Vanity Fair has a proud tradition of naming the best performances of the year—ones found in film and television, sure, but also memorable displays from the worlds of music, theater, internet culture, and, in a few notable cases, real life. Most of 2025’s honorees are performers, in a literal sense; some are athletes, or politicians, or, in one case, HBO’s best supporting kitchen appliance. Look below to see who made the cut—from earnest assessments to entries that are firmly tongue-in-cheek.

Michael B. Jordan, Sinners

Before Sinners came out, I wondered if Michael B. Jordan playing twins—Smoke and Stack, brothers who return to Mississippi after a sojourn north to open a juke joint—would be a distracting storytelling trick. But in the very capable hands of writer-director Ryan Coogler, the choice to let Jordan play both characters only proved the actor’s magnetic presence and range. Jordan’s portrayal of each brother felt unique and nuanced—the more troublesome of the two is never without a mischievous smirk, while the other has a darker aura. Jordan has already proven he’s a leading man with Creed, Black Panther, and his very first collaboration with Coogler, the deeply moving Fruitvale Station. But Sinners is so much—a clash of vampires and gangsters, a whirlwind of artistry and music, a look at history and culture—and Jordan carries it all on his four capable shoulders. —Rebecca Ford

Timothée Chalamet, Marty Supreme

Yes, the insane promotional stunts leading up to the release of Marty Supreme have been…a lot. But don’t let that distract you from the extraordinary performance Timothée Chalamet gives in the film. Marty Mauser is an unlikable character: His ego is inflated, his morals are questionable, and he has a total disregard for his own mother. Yet we root for him anyway, a testament to Chalamet’s magnetic presence. He has a way of nearly crossing the line, almost dancing with director Josh Safdie’s frenetic camera—and then with one look pulling the audience back on his side. It’s a feat. Also, the fake marketing video was funny. —John Ross

Jessie Buckley, Hamnet

Maggie O’Farrell’s novel Hamnet characterizes William Shakespeare’s wife, Agnes, as mystical and deeply connected to nature—and therefore also a tad odd. What actor could possibly capture her rawness, her intense energy, and her desperate grief after her young son’s death? In retrospect, it feels like it could have only been Jessie Buckley. Onscreen, Buckley typically has an intensity that seems like every emotion is simmering just an inch below the surface—and could burst at any minute. She traces Agnes from a proudly unattached young woman to a mother whose worst nightmare comes true when one of her twins with William (Paul Mescal) dies from the plague. Buckley’s portrayal of a mother’s sorrow is harrowing, but she’s able to gently guide the character to a place of healing as Chloé Zhao’s magical film explores the possibility that art can mend grief. —RF

Ethan Hawke, Blue Moon

It takes a particularly brave actor to play someone exceedingly pitiful. In Blue Moon, Ethan Hawke proves he’s fearless as Lorenz Hart, the Broadway lyricist behind seminal songs like the one that gives the film its title. Now, though, Hart is long past his prime, drinking himself into oblivion on opening night of his former collaborator’s new project, Oklahoma!. Hawke sheds any swagger or sex appeal that you may associate with him from the Before trilogy and completely gives himself over to Hart’s pathetic showman, whether he’s pitching his old partner Richard Rodgers (Andrew Scott) on a new show or pining after an unrequited love in Margaret Qualley. Hart is a talented lush who just wants to be loved—and Hawke wholly inhabits his sparkle and his desperation, exposing every artery. Pun absolutely intended. —Chris Murphy

Tessa Thompson, Hedda

Tessa Thompson always crackles onscreen—in her breakout role in Dear White People, as Valkyrie in the Thor films, or as Michael B. Jordan’s love interest in the Creed series. But taking on one of the most iconic—and demanding—dramatic roles in history allows Thompson to grab viewers by the collar and keep them transfixed on her every move. Thompson’s Hedda Gabler is confident, wild, and ferocious, while revealing an inner brokenness that results in chaos and devastation for those in her orbit. Thompson reunited with her Little Woods director Nia DaCosta for Hedda, a luscious and playful adaptation of the original Ibsen play that swaps the gender of Hedda’s ex-lover to a woman, played masterfully by Nina Hoss. Thompson’s frenetic energy as she hosts a party that grows increasingly chaotic is the glue that holds this film together. Even knowing the devastating tragedy that’s coming down the road, I’d RSVP yes to any party hosted by Thompson’s Hedda. —RF

Jacobi Jupe, Hamnet

Jacobi Jupe is Hamnet’s heart and soul—the son of William Shakespeare whose brief life (and shattering death) drives the story. As young Hamnet, he radiates playfulness and the wonder of childhood—a spirit that hints at what might have inspired his father’s comedies. Jupe’s performance is stellar, haunting, and astonishingly assured for a child actor. Even after his character’s death, his presence lingers, shaping the tragedies his father would go on to write, including Hamlet (a role played meta-theatrically by Jupe’s real-life brother, Noah Jupe). In the titular role, Jupe gives Hamnet’s most moving performance. Once upon a time, eight-year-old Justin Henry snagged a best-supporting-actor nomination for Kramer vs. Kramer. Jupe is 12. Academy, do with that what you will. —Wengel Gemu

Teyana Taylor, One Battle After Another

From the moment that Teyana Taylor appears, pregnant and wielding an automatic weapon, she makes every use of her less than 20 minutes onscreen. There is much to love about the 10th film from Paul Thomas Anderson, but Taylor is at the top of the list. —Mark Guiducci

Rose Byrne, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You

There’s an onslaught of movies about how tough it is to be a mom this year, but none contains a performance as piercing as Rose Byrne’s in If I Had Legs I’d Kick You. As therapist Linda, Byrne is a mother on the verge whose life (and ceiling) are falling apart as she tries her best to keep everything together. Byrne is expertly able to convey the full spectrum of the horrors of a parent going through it, from everyday indignities like finding parking to the constant, unending weight of having to care for a sick child. The camera rarely lets Byrne escape a close-up shot—and there’s no need for it to. Every slight and indignity that Linda faces is right there, unfolding on Byrne’s beautifully miserable face. —CM

Amy Madigan, Weapons

Spoilers ahead! When Amy Madigan strolls into Principal Miller’s office as Aunt Gladys in the final third of Weapons, the film truly comes alive. The wig, the makeup, the tracksuit, the voice: It’s an instant Halloween costume for movie lovers. But the real magic of Madigan’s performance comes when Aunt Gladys returns home to Alex’s house and the artifice comes off. What’s left is an evil, manipulative woman who is terrorizing her nephew and the audience. The performance pays homage to Ruth Gordon’s Minnie Castevet in Rosemary’s Baby, mixing camp with horror. It’s worth noting Gordon won an Oscar for that performance. I believe Madigan is on her way to a nomination, at least. —JR

Stellan Skarsgård, Sentimental Value

A flurry of showstopping female performances anchor one of the best movies of the year, from Norwegian director Joachim Trier’s Worst Person in the World muse Renate Reinsve; fellow Nordic breakout Inga Ibsdotter Lilleaas; and Elle Fanning, the lone American in this soaring drama about the complications of turning fractured family dynamics into art. But it is Stellan Skarsgård’s leading turn as aging filmmaker Gustav, hoping to mend things with his weary daughters (Reinsve and Lilleaas) by making a movie about his own complex upbringing, that gives the movie its troubled soul. “Stellan is really one of the great Nordic actors of all time, and because [Gustav] is a bit of a difficult father, I needed an actor who has complexity, intelligence, that snappiness that can be cutting and hurtful, but also the warmth to create a more three-dimensional character,” Trier told Vanity Fair. “I was supposed to play it cool and say, ‘Yeah, no, would you be interested?’ But I was so happy about talking to him that I used a silly American term, even in Norwegian. I said, ‘If you don’t want to do this, I’m up shit’s creek, man.’” Luckily, Skarsgård signed on to the role, and delivered one of the most evocative performances of his nearly six-decade career. —Savannah Walsh

Noah Wyle, The Pitt

Leave it to ER alum Noah Wyle to be so good at his job (playing a doctor on TV) that they made him do it again, despite having very famously already done it for 15 years on one of the most popular shows in TV history. In an impressive return to form that snagged him an Emmy this year, Wyle revisits the emergency room—this time as Dr. Michael “Robby” Robinavitch on The Pitt, a thrilling and inventive take on the medical procedural that plays out in real time over the course of a chaotic 15-hour shift in the trauma center at an underfunded and overcrowded hospital in Pittsburgh. His performance is so lived-in and believable (his only fault is that he cares too much!) that at this point in his fictional medical career, I would trust Wyle with my life. —Daniela Tijerina

Lola Tung, The Summer I Turned Pretty

Enough with debating the merits of her male costars! This is the moment Vanity Fair declares itself on Team Belly. Tung was a freshman at Carnegie Mellon University with no onscreen experience when she was cast as teenage heroine Isabel “Belly” Conklin. She brought raw vulnerability to her portrayal of a girl finding herself while torn between two brothers across three seasons. As the series concludes this year, Tung’s talent has blossomed into inevitable movie stardom—she appears in the next Osgood Perkins horror film opposite Nicole Kidman, then heads back to Cousins Beach for a Summer I Turned Pretty follow-up feature. Hell may be a teenage girl, but in Tung’s promising hands, the coming-of-age experience feels pretty heavenly. —SW

Owen Cooper, Adolescence

It’s human nature to believe that violence belongs to horror movies, SVU binges, or recent Dateline episodes—not your own neighborhood. But Owen Cooper’s extraordinary performance in Adolescence shatters this illusion and reminds us that such darkness is always closer than we think. (Spoiler alert: Those who haven’t yet seen the show may want to skip to the next entry on this list.) Thirteen-year-old Jamie Miller isn’t Jeffrey Dahmer reincarnate or a vengeful outcast. Instead, he’s the apparently sweet son of hardworking parents who suddenly falls down a far-right rabbit hole. After he’s exposed to cruel YouTube misogynists, he becomes warped by an online world he’s too young to navigate. And when he murders his female classmate, it’s not due to drugs or psychopathy, but the inconspicuous nature of online extremism. Cooper embodies what some see as an oxymoron: a murderous child. His rage and vicious comments reveal the chilling reality of extremist influence—but his fear, insecurity, and sensitive nature feel true to a naive middle schooler. The best performances force us to see the gray in a world that was once black and white—and at just 15, Cooper did so with outstanding ease. —Kenneal Patterson

Karen Pittman, The Morning Show and Forever

Last spring, Pittman announced that after two seasons with a certain Sex and the City spin-off, she’d be departing the show to pursue “bigger and better things,” as the actor later told VF. That turned out to be a stellar season as whip-smart news producer Mia Jordan on the Apple TV prestige drama The Morning Show, and her role as a maternal powerhouse on Forever, a Netflix adaptation of Judy Blume’s seminal young-adult novel. And just like that, Pittman cemented herself as the secret weapon for any compelling TV drama. It’s a gift to “put some meat on the table” as Forever creator—and Pittman’s real-life friend—Mara Brock Akil told me earlier this year, and know Pittman “is going to eat, as the kids say. The more she eats it up, the more you are inspired to give it.” It couldn’t have hurt to be the one who got away—from that unfortunate toilet situation that befell Miranda (and all of us who deigned to watch) in the And Just Like That… series finale. —SW

Britt Lower, Severance

There’s one obvious difference between actor Britt Lower and the “severed” character she plays: While Helly R. is ready to quit, Lower may as well be Apple’s employee of the month. The talented actor and her hallmark microbangs have risen to new heights in Severance. Lower seamlessly plays both the feisty Helly R., intent on rebelling against the company, and her “outie” Helena Eagan, a cold and manipulative corporate heir. And Lower not only plays these personas behind the cameras, but commits to the bit off-screen—like when she accepted her Emmy and flashed the audience a secret note: “LET ME OUT.” Perhaps the Easter egg was a publicity stunt. Or, just maybe, Lumon Industries isn’t so fictional after all… —KP

Dylan Efron and Gabby Windey, The Traitors

These two Faithfuls had very different strategies for surviving Alan Cumming’s traitorous castle. Former Bachelor contestant Gabby Windey played the class clown, cleverly rebuking any roundtable attacks; Dylan Efron (as in Zac’s younger brother) ingratiated himself to the Traitors, earning enough intel to snuff out their treachery. But both wound up winning The Traitors, bringing more muted players Ivar Mountbatten and Dolores Catania into the winners circle with them. Even in a year that gave fresh insight into the dark side of reality TV notoriety (someone please check on Love Island: Beyond the Villa’s Aaron), Windey and Efron emerged from the C-list shadows to make reality TV stardom feel fun again. And the industry promptly took notice: Efron recently placed fourth on a record-breaking season of Dancing With the Stars, while Windey now hosts the upcoming Alex Cooper–produced Hulu reality dating show Love Overboard. —SW

Stacey Rusch, The Real Housewives of Potomac

In her second season as a cast member on The Real Housewives of Potomac, former QVC host Stacey Rusch has entered the pantheon of truly great Real Housewives. Authentically daffy and genuinely delusional, Rusch breathes new life into RHOP, finding an uncanny ability to spin drama out of every facet of her life. Her now-viral QVC appearances show she was born to talk on camera, extempore, at length. (“Talk about length. Talk about drama. Talk about stones.”) Seemingly every single person on RHOP can’t stand Rusch, which only makes her more compelling. As Rusch herself would say, “But still I rise.” —CM

Olandria Carthen, Love Island USA and Subsequent Brand Deals

The incessantly memed seventh season of Love Island USA was a 37-episode melodrama. Carthen, its breakout star, offered comic relief. She noted the “breast milk” lingering on a younger islander’s lips, and urged another to swallow the dead bug in his drink to prove his ruggedness (“More protein!”). She was also part of a riveting friends-to-lovers romance (or maybe showmance?) with now boyfriend Nic Vansteenberghe. Since summer, Carthen has accrued an impressive roster of brand deals. She’s sipped Agua de Kefir poolside, held Sweetgreen’s new Ranchy Baddie Bowl next to a red convertible, and modeled a Reebok collab from WNBA star Angel Reese, which sold out. Formerly employed at an elevator and escalator company, Carthen has excelled at the thing Love Island is really about: becoming an influencer. —Abigail Sylvor Greenberg

Kendrick Lamar, the Super Bowl Halftime Show

As President Donald Trump watched, Kendrick Lamar spat out words that chilled viewers across the country: “The revolution about to be televised. You picked the right time, but the wrong guy.” His new rendition of Gil Scott-Heron’s 1971 Black liberation poem “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised” took aim at the oppressive systems that have silenced marginalized communities for generations. Lamar, born to poor parents in Compton, has become one of the most prolific artists of our time; instead of celebrating on one of the world’s biggest stages, he chose to incite rebellion (and perhaps diss Drake a few times). Instead of showcasing glitter and spectacle, the American rapper’s halftime show was filled with symbolism and calls to action. With Samuel L. Jackson as Uncle Sam and a troupe of Black dancers forming the American flag, Lamar’s storytelling reminded viewers that music is so much more than entertainment: It’s how uprisings are born. —KP

Doechii, the Grammys

Whether it’s Lady Gaga arriving in an egg or Adele breaking her Grammy in half in honor of Beyoncé, the Grammys have never lacked for spectacle—though it usually comes courtesy of someone already anointed by the culture. Doechii was the rare, and frankly thrilling, exception. Minutes after winning best rap album in February, the Florida native with a cult-level fan base introduced herself to the wider world with a culture-defining performance. She fused rap with a kind of Broadway-adjacent theatricality (critically, not in a Hamilton-ish way), moving with the unselfconscious ferocity that left the crowd in speechless wonder. She brought a new sound, fresh look (the woman loves her face tape), and undeniable star wattage. So potent was the effect that she even managed the impossible: making Thom Browne cool again, one custom look at a time. —Clara Molot

Lady Gaga, Coachella Into Mayhem Ball

Lady Gaga last headlined Coachella in 2017, when she stepped in for Beyoncé, who had to drop out due to her pregnancy. It was a last-minute booking—and while great, it didn’t deliver the full Gaga experience. So when Gaga again descended onto the polo fields in 2025, she had a lot to prove, following BeyChella and other major headliners like Doja Cat and Harry Styles. Gaga delivered, performing an opening run of numbers—from “Bloody Mary” into “Abracadabra” into “Judas” into “Scheiße” that reminded everyone why she is one of the greatest pop stars of our generation. The performance, which also streamed on YouTube, helped propel her Mayhem Ball tour into sold-out status around the world. To think it was only last year that Joker: Folie à Deux was released! What a difference a Coachella performance can make. —JR

Lana Del Rey, Stagecoach

Lana Del Rey is well-known for being able to create a mood, but she’s never done it quite as she did at country festival Stagecoach on April 25. In a butter yellow lace dress and Patsy Cline–perfect pin curls, she performed new, twangier renditions of her hits and three new songs thought to be featured on her long-awaited upcoming country album. Nearly halfway through her set, she hopped on a whimsical, myrtle-covered rope swing to sing a lushly orchestrated rendition of “Ride,” complete with slide guitar, and the crowd’s shirtless boys in leather vests were left weeping. Her country album, recently retitled Stove, is expected in January. Though I will be happy to finally have a studio version of “Stars Fell on Alabama,” I’ll also keep returning to my bootleg of its live debut because it’s hard to beat Lana doing her best bashful diva onstage. —Erin Vanderhoof

Rachel Zegler, Evita

After leading Disney’s flop Snow White, Rachel Zegler did what any preternaturally talented theater kid would do: She got onstage and showed the world why she’s a star. This summer, Zegler played Eva Perón in Evita on the West End, and made the famously difficult role (just ask its originator Patti LuPone) look easy. Night after night, Zegler effortlessly delivered a sensational vocal performance grounded by acting that was at turns devastating and ferocious. With the sheer power of her voice, Zegler was able to draw thousands of people to stand outside the theater to watch her sing the show’s signature number, “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina,” from the theater’s balcony. Now that’s star power. —CM

Joshua Henry, Ragtime

Much like Zegler—and much as he did in the 2018 Broadway revival of Carousel—Henry grabs hold of a notoriously challenging part (very memorably played in its original incarnation by the hall-of-fame baritone Brian Stokes Mitchell) and fully makes it his own. Henry embodies Coalhouse Walker Jr. completely as the character journeys from flamboyant musician to devoted family man to—decades-old spoiler alert—vengeance-fueled revolutionary, imbuing him with uncommon intensity and passion. And that voice—smooth, elastic, capable of both soaring heights and soul-shaking lows! You truly have to hear it to believe it. —Hillary Busis

Megan Hilty, Death Becomes Her

There’s no single definition—or origin—of the term camp. But some point to the 1909 edition of the Oxford English Dictionary, which defined the term as “ostentatious, exaggerated, affected, theatrical; effeminate or homosexual.” Nearly six decades later, Susan Sontag said that camp’s hallmark is “the spirit of extravagance”; to her, camp was “a woman walking around in a dress made of 3 million feathers.” She should have seen Megan Hilty in the Broadway adaptation of the 1992 camp classic Death Becomes Her: her exaggerated, over-the-top reactions, her iconic phrases (“Everything I do is for the gaze!”), and her affectionate nods to her superfans. Hilty’s work gives this gay masterpiece new life onstage. —KP

Coco Gauff, the French Open

From draconian abortion laws to accusations that we’re ruining the workplace, women just can’t seem to catch a break. That’s why it’s especially cathartic to applaud feminist icons like Coco Gauff, the first American woman to win the French Open since Serena Williams in 2015. After an exhausting and nail-biting match against Aryna Sabalenka, the 21-year-old claimed her second Grand Slam title. And in typical Gen Z fashion, she quoted Tyler, the Creator after taking home the grand prize: “If I ever told you that I had a doubt inside me, I must be lying. I think I was lying to myself, because I could do it.” Battling fierce winds, the young star relied on her mental fortitude and pure talent to ace her last serves. It’s no surprise that she fell backward when Sabalenka’s last ball went out of bounds—shocked at her win and panting, “Oh my God. Oh my God.” —KP

Michelle Yeoh, the Wicked: For Good Press Tour

How could any moment from Wicked: For Good’s press tour hold a candle to last year’s epic press tour? Enter Michelle Yeoh, who took the internet by storm with her repeated revelation about the connection between the letters M and W. “Madame Morrible…MM…flip it around…Wicked Witch,” she said on multiple carpets, accompanied with a simple hand gesture that revealed the true villain of Wicked. An Oscar-winning actor, Yeoh was always committed to the bit—mentioning it seemingly whenever she could, always doing the accompanying hand motion with the same level of childlike excitement—and she created hundreds of memes in the process. Sure, singing may not be Yeoh’s gift, but that’s just fine. Her gift is flipping it around. —CM

Cynthia Erivo, Talking About “Thong Song”

Not to overindex on Wicked—when have we been known to do that?—but if you haven’t seen this video of Cynthia Erivo earnestly singing Sisqó’s praises while enumerating her favorite vocal performances of all time, you simply must. Game recognize game; Erivo, a vocalist with uncommon control of her instrument, is genuinely astounded and moved by the R&B superstar’s legendary run at the end of his 1999 hit “Thong Song.” Her deadpan enthusiasm is hilarious and invigorating, particularly when she implores her unseen interviewer to fast-forward to the song’s final moments: “That’s a brilliant vocal for a song about a thong,” she breathes. “And he just keeps going: ‘I don’t think you heard me.’ We did. We heard you.” Cynthia, we heard you too. —HB

Romy Mars, as Sofia Coppola’s Daughter

Call this year the reintroduction of Romy Mars, the eldest daughter of Academy Award–winning filmmaker Sofia Coppola and Grammy Award–winning Phoenix frontman Thomas Mars (and the granddaughter of Hollywood royalty Francis Ford Coppola). We first met Mars in 2023, when she was just a girl on TikTok airing her grievances about being grounded for attempting to charter a helicopter on her dad’s credit card. Now, the 19-year-old singer-songwriter and actor has blossomed into our favorite nepo baby. She moves through the world not with the quiet, understated grace of the women in her mother’s films, but boldly and unapologetically, wearing her privilege like a badge of honor. Following in the footsteps of her It girl mother, Mars, with her self-aware sense of humor, gave us exactly what we want, taking us on glamorous romps from Chanel fashion shows and Cannes red carpets to dinner with Jacob Elordi and the voting booth (with mom in tow), where she expressed support for Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani. Plus, her single “A-Lister” is a certified banger. —DT

The Blender, The White Lotus

It’s hard to pick just one best performance from The White Lotus, but it’s easy to identify the show’s best appliance. A true utility player, the blender does a lot of narrative work in season three. Requested by Saxon Ratliff (Patrick Schwarzenegger) and promptly delivered to his out-of-touch family’s villa, the blender attests that the White Lotus hotels have great service. It pulverizes Saxon’s protein sludge, announcing, Saxon is not only a douche, but also gross. It whirs under Saxon’s entreaties to his younger brother, Lochlan (Sam Nivola), to hit the gym more, telegraphing, Masculinity is a theme this season! Ultimately, it becomes the crucial device in patriarch Tim’s (Jason Isaacs) botched poison-piña-colada murder plot, activating fate like a prop in a Greek drama. And when all is said and done, the blender leaves viewers with a deep, pressing question: Why did Lochlan use it without washing it first?! —ASG

“A Few Small Beers,” One Battle After Another

Could the Oscars take a page from the MTV Movie & TV Awards’ book and add some kind of best-duo award this year? We don’t even need nominees, honestly: There’s a clear winner, and the inclusion of anyone else would be mere farce. Obviously, I’m talking about Benicio del Toro as Sensei Sergio in One Battle After Another, playing romantic lead opposite his backpack of “a few small beers.” Has there ever been a better line delivery than del Toro’s earnest, wide-eyed explanation to a cop in the latter half of the film? (This is a rhetorical question.) I whispered “Protect Sensei Sergio” out loud the first time I watched this movie, and I stand by that still. —Kase Wickman

Elon Musk’s Sleeping Bag

Where are my Xennial babies who remember Gilbert Gottfried’s USA Up All Night? That’s the voice I think of when I think of DOGE, our short-lived American experiment headed by Elon Musk, who apparently was up all night, every night. The only winner: the sleeping bag that kept his tootsies warm on the office floor. —Claire Howorth

Melania Trump, as a Fucks-Giving First Lady

Maybe Melania Trump was hoping to scan as “whimsical” and “giving a fuck” with this year’s White House Christmas decorations. The array includes not only a tree bursting with “Be Best” ornaments—the slogan scrawled on them in a childish all-caps handwriting font—but also multiple houses of cards, a mini White House made of dominoes, and side-by-side Lego portraits of George Washington and Donald Trump, the latter based on his ubiquitous, scowling 2023 mug shot. If whimsy was the target, let’s all agree that she missed, and maybe landed a smidge closer to holiday horror. You know that iconic Folgers commercial where the sister is a little too excited about big bro coming home? A reboot starring this year’s decorations would have a little kid opening a present and squealing, “Yes! Just what I wanted! The deluxe Lego felon president portrait kit!” Ho, ho, holy shit—you couldn’t make this stuff up, right? —KW